Working on Purging Demons- A Self Improvement Journey- Day One

So, I should be honest and tell you right off the bat that this is about me, my self esteem, my self doubt, and the ways in which it has manifested in my life and on my body.

I am hoping that by writing it all out, every day, for 60 days, I will be able to let it go.

A few weeks ?ago, I woke in the middle of the night to feed my newborn, Cece.? The television was on, and I was breast feeding, and the remote control was across the room. I was resigned to watching whatever was on. An infomercial for the Insanity Workout was blazing across the screen. I was forced to watch strong, powerful, and skinny people talk about how they have gotten skinnier, stronger, and more powerful. There were a few heavier set people thrown in for good measure, I suppose.

At the time, I was feeling less than powerful. I was feeling as if I didn?t have control over my body. I was tired with a newborn. I was breast feeding, and therefore, my body belonged to someone else. I was feeling sloppy and lumpy after all the weight gain from pregnancy.

Fast forward a few weeks. Cece is now 10 weeks old. I am no longer breastfeeding. I have an active toddler, Lola, who runs me around the house. ?We are all sleeping through the night now. I now have no good excuse for not taking care of myself. What occurred to me was that if I wasn?t going to take care of myself for myself, I better start doing it for my daughters.

At 225 pounds, I am not the role model I want to be for them. Since the age of nine, I have struggled with weight and self image, yo-yo-ing 30 to 50 pounds in various directions. And it is not just the weight. I am not a nice person to myself. The weight is merely a symptom of what is going on in my head.

?You are not good enough. You are not special enough. You are not doing what you are supposed to be doing. You are fat. Your nose is too big. Your thighs are too big. No one wants you. No one loves you. Heck, even you don?t love you.?

Read? More >>>

Source: http://skirt.com/taravangeons/blog/working-purging-demons-self-improvement-journey-day-one

London 2012 Track And Field Jordyn Wieber michael phelps Kerri Strug Ledecky Nadia Comaneci Rebecca Soni